I need a bag intervention. I can't seem to stop myself from buying them if they remotely conform to something I might need and are on sale. I just bought another one at IKEA because it is a vertical messenger bag (I'm back in the city! I need a larger purse!) that could also (maybe) double as a diaper bag. So really... I bought it for the baby. Just like the ergonomic backpack and the Nood bag.

Maybe the baby is the one in need of a bag intervention. Yeah!

Poll #1422162
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All

This is...

This article? You don't want to read it. If you have kids, you really don't want to read it, and if you have a child still in a rear-facing carseat, you really, really don't want to read it. But you probably should anyway as long as the laws about this sort of thing get more and more restrictive.

When I first ran into a discussion about this sort of incident (Salon's Broadsheet has had several lately), someone posted a few stats about the number of children killed by airbags vs. the number forgotten in a car. Something like 8 airbag-related deaths (according to an NYT article I found, only 2 of those were infants in rear-facing seats) over 10 years vs. 36 per year accidentally left in a hot car (or an average of 360 a year). Why can't we parents make the decision for ourselves about this? Apparently you can get a serious ticket for having a child in the front seat even though a lot of cars have the option to turn off passenger-side airbags. I still get pissy about the fact that you have to put your 9-year-old in a booster seat (in the back seat, of course!). Has my lack of risk aversion gone too far?

Also, pro tip: never read the comments for these types of stories. None of these people have ever forgotten anything ever and would totally pass the written exam they propose that all potential parents take in order to get a license to breed. Me? I totally see how it could happen, and it scares the shit out of me. I'm glad we're moving back where we won't have to drive much anymore.

I hate to sound like a boob hypochondriac, but now I think I have mastitis.

This time I actually match the photos that come up on google image search (Note: don't actually do a google image search for "mastitis" unless you think you have it. There's no point in subjecting yourself to diseased cow titties if you don't have to.)

Okay, my right foot is still retaining enough water that it is a few millimeters thicker than the left foot. This means I still can't get into 95% of my shoes. Any home remedies (or OTC meds) to drop this last smidge of water weight? It's driving me batty though at least the weather is such that I don't mind wearing sandals or the *sigh* crocs all the time.

I'm already taking dandelion capsules and drinking lemon water though I don't know that either really does anything.

---

I need TV recommendations. I have a lot of time to fill between now and March 2010. I prefer shows that run in a half-hour format because that covers one feeding/pumping session (and doesn't take up as much storage space), but I'll also take recommendations for hour-long shows to watch during the day.

Here is what I have recently watched (or re-watched):
• The Office
• 30 Rock
• How I Met Your Mother
• Venture Bros.
• The IT Crowd
• The Boondocks
• Twin Peaks
• Freaks and Geeks
• My So-Called Life

Obviously, I'm open to shows from over a decade ago. Nothing too thinky since I watch at least a couple of episodes in the middle of the night.

avengerbaby is now up and running. You no longer have to check to see if the baby is here.

My mom has come and gone and was a tremendous help last week. We've been sleeping better and we're starting to get into more of a routine. Still doing supplemental formula feeding to give me a break.

Evelyn is changing fast. She's already holding her head up at times and smiling. We ordered her Canadian passport today. I hope they accept her photos because we were in the portrait studio for quite some time just to get something that was even remotely acceptable.

I have an ultrasound scheduled for Wednesday to see if there's something causing excess bleeding. I'm afraid I'm going to have to have a D&C if they find anything and right now, the last thing I want is to have anyone poking around in there just as my stitches are healing.

I'm thinking of moving all mundane baby updates to isthebabyhereyet (still need to work on that CSS and can't figure out why the flickr widget doesn't work properly) and retaining this space for more "personal" and/or stupid updates.

Bottles. Pacifiers. These used to be innocent icons of babyhood. Now they're the marks of Bad Parenting.

And I don't care.

I told myself I wouldn't be a martyr for pregnancy or breastfeeding. I'm finally making good on that promise. After going on nursing strike yesterday (and crying most of the afternoon) because cluster feeding has left me so raw that I couldn't even pump, I gave in and we gave her a bottle of POISON!!! I mean... formula. After that, she passed right out which gave me enough time to recover for a couple of night feedings. I managed to pump one bottle today on top of her usual (very frequent) feedings. Honestly, I would love to go to all bottle feedings because she is 100% less gassy than when she gets it straight from the tap. She always seems a lot happier afterwards since she doesn't have to deal with raging pent-up farts. I guess maybe the breast shields cause her to suck in extra air, but I can't feed her without them. That shit hurts enough WITH them.

So in the whole debate about breastfeeding vs. formula, it's always set up so it sounds like there's no middle ground. But you know what? I think there is. And that's fine by me. I never was an extremist.

Today we finally left the nest to go to a picnic. I just realized that I spent an hour in the sun without getting burned. Also, I am wearing some pre-baby jeans (granted, they are the largest ones I have in my wardrobe and they used to be pretty loose, but still).

We had a pretty good night last night despite feeding every couple of hours. Evelyn finally slept on something that wasn't either of us and I'm feeling pretty well-rested so I guess it's time for...

( THE BIRTH STORY!!! (warning: I'm not glossing over anything) )

Just got home. Kinda (really) tired. Don't worry, I will tell you all about it later.

Happy *sigh* Mother's Day!

I look forward to some brunch which I did not have to cancel with my own mama. And I got to see Star Trek yesterday.

Tomorrow we get up early to go get an ultrasound and non-stress test. Then I contemplate drinking the worst recipe I've ever seen. Hint: it involves almond butter, apricot juice, and castor oil. Midwife claims 70% success rate with it, but at what cost to my tender exit-hole? I might save that one for later in the week assuming all is good with the testing. I was a 42w1d baby myself.

Finally, some relief from the crushing boredom. My mom gets here in a few hours for a short weekend visit. While I keep trying to entice the baby to come out by appealing to her rebellious side, so far nothing has worked. Maybe the temptation to interrupt her grandmother's trip will do the trick.

If not, we'll do some shopping, have brunch at Van Dusen, and maybe see Star Trek.

The roomba is dragging the heating pad around the room. I guess I should go rescue it.

Who blew their nose in my underpants?

I don't know if anyone here has any strong opinions on this or even experience with it... If you don't know what it is, just move on (trust me).

Poll #1396092
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All

Sweeping the membranes (comma Johnny)

Is the baby here yet?

I personally am F5-ing like crazy.

Here I am on my first day of maternity/parental leave - couldn't sleep past 8. I miss working already, especially since I'm trying to fill out my online EI application and about to pull my hair out. They make you detail all of the weeks in the past year in which you earned less than $255. For me, that's been MOST of them. I've given up on precision and just started taking my paychecks and dividing by two. This is now about to bite me in the ass because I don't know what to do with the weeks where the pay period splits - like when the 15th is on a Wednesday. I'm not really sure what the point is? I'd call and ask, but I don't feel like being on hold for an hour.

Since I imagine tomorrow (and days after) will be rather boring, here is my list of things to do:

• Books

Since I am a superfan of Glenn Greenwald, I bought one of his books. So far it's a disappointment though I think that is mostly due to poor editing. Great American Hypocrites is pretty damn repetitive if anyone else was thinking of reading it. Also, it feels like I'm reading it way too late. I would have enjoyed it much more pre-election. Plus, most of it is stuff I already knew. I did learn that Jimmy Stewart was a Brigadier General. Still, I feel I should finish up... probably the last grown-up book I read for awhile. I am also re-reading Geek Love for the A.V. Club's new book club. Just what a lady who is about to whelp needs - a novel about (purposely) deformed babies!

• Projects

I should probably finish that cat I started crocheting months ago. And the bunny, and Roast Beef, and Philippe's legs, and maybe I should make a second bootie to go along with the first one. If I have leftover time, maybe I will sew some baby shoes (hah!).

• Boring Things

I have this thing for transferring my 401(k) from my old NC employer to the bank. It is about 2 years overdue. I have all the paperwork done, I just haven't mailed it. I could also stand to do some filing and organizing my ongoing tax folder. I also need to gather all the papers for the baby's Consular Report of Birth plus two passport applications. I will need to have the actual baby to finish some of that though.

• Cleaning

Yeah, I should probably do some of that. I keep waiting for the Nesting Super-Surge to do that though. I'm wondering now if that will actually happen.

• Packing

Things don't put themselves in boxes unless you are wizard Mickey Mouse.

• Entertainment

I am rewatching Freaks & Geeks and I still have Brisco County on the backburner. I haven't played Animal Crossing in a few months so I should have some weeding to do. Out of all the categories, this is the one most likely to be completed.

If there was any one point in my life where I finally thought that it might not be so bad to have children, it was reading this excerpt from The Kindness of Women. Actually, it was the whole chapter this is from entitled "Magic World" - one I'd encourage reading in its entirety. The rest of the book I can take or leave, but I have read and re-read that one chapter dozens of times.

I pressed Miriam's fingers. She smiled briefly, but I could see that she had already withdrawn from me. Only the midwife and the child were properly in the room with her. She moistened her lips, staring at the shadowy ceiling and the frayed lampshade on the headboard, as if this were the only delivery that had ever taken place, the primeval birth from which all life had sprung. As Miriam released my hand I felt that she and Midwife Bell had returned to a more primitive world, where men never intruded and even their role in conception was unknown. Here the chain of life was mother to daughter, daughter to mother. Fathers and sons belonged in the shadows with the dogs and livestock, like the retriever growling at Midwife Bell's unfamiliar car from the window of my neighbours' living room.

...

"One last push, it's coming now, another push for the head..."

Miriam's vulva had expanded and the crown of a minute head had appeared between her legs. The black hairs were moist and neatly parted, as if a thoughtful nature had groomed the child for its first appearance in this world.

"Push now, we're almost there..."

The whole face had emerged, a high forehead, miniature nose and mouth, and closed eyes, streamlined as if by time, by the aeons that had preceded this child down the biological kingdom. Waking into the deep dream of life, it seemed not young but infinitely old, millions of years entrained in the pharaoh-like smoothness of its cheeks and its ancient eyelids and nostrils. Its lips were composed, as if it had patiently endured the immense journey across the universe to this modest house with its waiting mother.

Suddenly it was young again; in a last rush of fluid a pink and hairless puppy bundled itself into Midwife Bell's arms. As the tears wept from my eyes I felt Miriam's fingers grip my hands. The dawn light was filling the spaces between my neighbours' roofs. After a few hours away from me, Miriam had returned and was a wife again.

...

Life-magic breathed over us, over the sleeping child, over everything in the sunlit town.

- J.G. Ballard, The Kindness of Women

I'm sure other people will have more thoughtful things to say about his death. I just wanted to put this out there.

I had some tiny hope that if she were going to come early, that it would be today on my dad's 80th birthday. At my last visit, my midwife asked if I had reached the end of my rope yet. I said not really beyond the puff pastry feet. She said I probably had a few weeks left then. I have no quibble with that. Other than the occasional spastic contraction that makes my legs jump, all's quiet on the southern front. Since today has passed without incident, I'm pretty sure I will end up with a May queen afterall. Even though she is "wearing my pelvic bones like a hat" now, I think VJJ-Day is still a ways off.

I can't be too sad (especially this far out now) that my dad isn't still alive except in some wistful sense. If he hadn't died at 64, I feel sure something else would have gotten him well before now. I'm sure he would have liked to have met his next granddaughter, but he would be as old as the great-grandparents. My life probably would have turned out much different and I wouldn't even be here so it's all moot, really.

We cheaped out on the ottoman and got an Ikea special. Maybe next tax refund.

Poll #1381579
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All

Have you been to a chiropractor?

If you have been...

What do you think about chiropracty?

I have now finished up two visits with this chiropractor who specializes in prenatal stuff - pelvic alignment, etc. I thought it would help my hips because I have had a lot of trouble with them, but so far I feel like I have been paying out the nose for some basic back and neck cracking. After I went the first time, I thought "okay, I think my rib pain is better and I am walking a little better". After the second time, all of that has reversed back to the way things were. Granted, the visits were only a day apart so it's possible that I just had a short reprieve that I would have had anyway.

So... if any of you have visited a chiropractor, did it work? If so, how long did it take to get results? I'm thinking of canceling my next appointment on Tuesday just because right now, I'm thinking it's all pretty worthless (and that's not even getting into some of the eye-rolling literature I was sent home with about how it can cure deafness). Another thing that is putting me off is that my spinal "analysis" came back as almost completely normal ("that never happens!" she said).

At the same time, I still have trouble walking, but I'm thinking maybe fixing that will require actual physiotherapy or an orthopedist or something. I'm not sure I even have time to get it fixed before You-Know-Who shows up.

Oh yeah, as of today, I am carrying a full grown baby.

It's got electrolytes!

Somebody got stabbed outside our office last night. I guess they didn't die because I couldn't find anything about it on the news. Apparently there was still blood on the sidewalk early this morning (washed away before I showed up). And yet I'm still more concerned about the story of the parents who were mistakenly accused of child abuse (the youngest has a disease where the symptoms look like shaken baby syndrome) and had their children taken away will not be getting them back for a long time even though it was the government's mistake.

---

We have lots of boxes now. I'm not sure what to put in them first.

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There was a local story today "Fiancée of Canucks forward Pyatt dies in car crash". This got translated at work into Beyoncee dying in a car crash. It was kind of funny.

---

This Oklahoma bill seems fishy. Aren't you already allowed to defend yourself against attackers? It's not like you can stab just the unborn baby without also going through the mother.

---

What's the best way to keep pigeons from shitting all over your balcony (and hanging out, just out of sight, cooing incessantly)? I'm not averse to any solution that ends with them dead.

This article about mean old, violence-ridden Vancouver is ridiculous. I don't feel any less safe than I ever have because... I'm not involved in the drug trade. This is what's driving our spike in shootings and so far, they've all been good shots, only hitting their targeted victims. If there have been any innocent bystanders caught in the cross-fire, I haven't heard about it. You're still far more likely to have your car broken into than to run into any violent crime here. So don't leave anything valuable in your car and stay out of Surrey. Both sensible bits of advice regardless of the crime rate.

In good news, Canada Line is opening ahead of schedule. In September, we'll be able to get from the new place to Daiso in 20 minutes!

Oh yeah, we're moving back downtown July 1st. We paid our security deposit and signed the lease yesterday. I think we'll be staying there 4-5 years since Evelyn will be able to have her own room when she's big enough AND we still have office space. Moving ought to be an adventure. At least we have 3 months to prepare though I'm torn between packing now while we still have lots of free time and then living with boxes for 2 months vs. packing post-baby when there's no telling how difficult it will be.

Also, we'll be on the 22nd floor - deeluxe apartment in the sky and all that. We also get to be the much reviled Yaletown parents who have to camp out to get their kid in kindergarten.

Things that give me heartburn:
• Eating spicy foods
• Eating bland foods
• Drinking acidic things
• Drinking water
• Not drinking water
• Thinking about eating
• Not thinking about eating
• Thinking about sharks
• Not thinking about sharks
• Chewing TUMS one at a time
• Chewing all 5 daily allotted TUMS at once
• Sleeping

Things I am too fat for:
• My socks
• My shoes
• All but 2 pairs of pants
• XL t-shirts
• Regular sized recliners

Things I learned today:
• Adam Smith was kidnapped by gypsies as a child
• Gypsies are wily
• People in Washington really want clean dishes

"A birth father is on 37 consecutive weeks of unpaid parental leave. The child dies. The parental leave ends upon the death of the child as the birth father is no longer caring for the child. The birth father is entitled to bereavement leave. Any other additional leave is at the employer's discretion."

Also, just discovered that since I am foregoing pregnancy leave (well, most of it, we'll see), I can only get a maximum of 37 weeks parental leave. I thought I could roll unused pregnancy leave into maternity leave and get a full year post-birth. NEED MORE SOCIALISM PLZ.

Also also, I have outgrown my socks AND my shoes. I am not sure what to do about the socks because my feet are not substantially longer (but it looks like I have gone up half a shoe size) and I have never seen socks labeled "EXTRA WIDE".

I saw Watchmen. It was adequate enough. Instead of picking it apart, I'm going to tell you about some trailers I saw instead.

• Star Trek - I feel less inclined to make fun of this "prequel" as I have been for many months now. In fact, I'd kind of like to see it. Too bad I will likely need a babysitter to do so. So far it doesn't look much anything like the other Star Trek movies and maybe that's what is appealing to me (don't shoot).

• Terminator: Salvation - Okay, fine, I still want to see this despite the fact that it is directed by someone with a ridiculous name like "McG". Like, could you pick a douchier sounding name out of a hat? Again, will need a babysitter.

• Observe and Report - Does the world really need two movies about mall cops within a few months of each other? Does this mean we're doomed to see others since, God forbid, Paul Blart: Mall Cop actually made money? Is this the new Will-Ferrell-beats-a-sport-into-the-ground movie? Shame on you, Seth Rogen. Sadly, I can see this one without a babysitter, but I'm not gonna!

As an early/late anniversary present, I bought us tickets for Leonard Cohen on April 19th which pretty much guarantees that I will have the baby either before or during the concert. I guess I can always resell if that happens. When I first got pregnant, I'm sorry to say one of the first things that occurred to me was "geez, I'll be huge when Watchmen comes out" so if I stay on schedule, I'll be REALLY huge for the concert.

Also, tomorrow I may have a new temporary job doing a lot of the same stuff I already do only more of it. A real 40 hour work week! I'll actually have to get up at a certain time and wear clothes and stuff. That will be a big help towards bulking up my average salary for EI. I guess I should really get the paperwork for that together one of these days.

I tried to put him in the Moby Wrap, too, but that thing is a bitch to use when you still have a real baby inside you sticking way out.

For anyone wishing to play, you can put in your predictions for how gigantic and late you think our baby will be here (enter GardnerLove in the top left box). I'm still trying to figure out how you're supposed to wager.

I put in my most feared guess.